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9 dic 2013

FEELINGS VI: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

It is already December and I have reached the half of my project. Christmas is here, and as always, at least for me, is a period of constant stress. I think I am a little lost... 



Am I really offering the 100% of my ability? or rather, Have I reached a point of comfort where I have been stuck? All that has happened to me in the last two months in my social and private life have shaken my reality. I have experienced several disappointments, though these were necessary, have been quite painful. I am in a new place, with strange people and I know that disappointment must happen to know who should be in my life and who does not. I trust people fast and often, I am very innocent. So my sadness is deeper. Because when I feel,  I really feel, so my heart is so full of scars.I think I need to change my priorities and put myself first. But it is so difficult ... I think, nevertheless, that I am learning and growing as a good person. I still have a long way to go in some aspects of my life I am, sometimes, that little girl who cried while her mother showed her a mirror and said, "Look how ugly you get if you cry" ... Yes, I am a little lost and I recognize that I am not offering all the best of me. I am a very sentimental person and every disappointment or problem shaking my life like a hurricane that just leaves disaster in his way. But on the other hand, I am seeing and recognizing the problem so I can find the solution.I have wonderful people around me that I can learn from them and which definitely, I know I can trust. Every day I am grateful for it. I am very lucky! I get to do my part and devote myself to take care of me. Stop making excuses and love me. I have so much love to give but a part, I  must reserve it for me. And although I am disappointed, I must give thanks to these people who were once in my life and then disappeared, for showing me what I want and I do not want in my life, for making me stronger and for showing me which way to go to find value me as I deserve.


I have never liked Christmas. No good memories. But this Christmas will be very special. I know it. I do not want gifts, just ask to be happy (which I am but I want to keep this happiness) and I want happiness for all the people I appreciate. Actually, I would like  that everyone being happy but I know that is a utopia. I was thinking I want to do something good, beneficial, this Christmas. But  with the momentary chaos that reigns my life is a bit tricky to think clearly. I must place order first, learn how to be assertive and then I will can put my ideas to work. I often behave in a way that even scares me ... I dress up as someone I am not to avoid that hurt me? What revolution of feelings I have! I need to activate the blogoff valve because I am afraid if I do not do it, sooner or later I will bust. I must learn how to let it go... I have much to learn! 



Good thing I love my job here,  I have wonderful people around me, I live in a city that I love every day more and more, I have my family away, but I always carry them in my heart ... Lucky I have learned to see life with eyes full of optimism. I am happy, I do not know what i am complaining! 

Friends, Merry Christmas! 
I wish at least the same happiness that I have.



Everything will be ok! 

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